Conflict is an inevitable part of life—whether in the workplace, in relationships, or within teams. But how we handle conflict can dramatically shape outcomes, productivity, and the health of relationships. This is where the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model (TKI) comes in—a widely used framework that outlines five primary styles for managing conflict, based on levels of assertiveness and cooperativeness.
Developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann, the model helps individuals identify their own conflict-handling preferences and adapt their approach depending on the situation. Let’s break down each of the five styles:
Contents
1. Accommodation – “I’ll go along with you”
Cooperativeness: High | Assertiveness: Low
In the accommodating style, a person puts aside their own concerns in favor of satisfying the needs or desires of others. This can be an effective strategy when:
- The issue matters more to the other party
- You want to preserve harmony or goodwill
- You realize you’re wrong and the other party is right
However, overusing accommodation can lead to resentment, as one’s own needs are constantly overlooked.
2. Avoiding – “Let’s not deal with it now”
Cooperativeness: Low | Assertiveness: Low
Avoiders tend to sidestep conflict altogether, either by withdrawing from the situation or delaying confrontation. This method may be useful when:
- The conflict is trivial or not worth the time
- Emotions are too high and a cooling-off period is needed
- You have no chance of winning and want to preserve your energy
Downside: Chronic avoidance can result in unresolved issues that fester and grow worse over time.
3. Compromising – “Let’s meet halfway”
Cooperativeness: Moderate | Assertiveness: Moderate
Compromising involves finding a middle ground where both parties give up something to reach a mutually acceptable solution. It’s often used:
- When time is limited and a quick solution is needed
- In situations where both sides have equal power
- When long-term solutions are less important than immediate progress
Drawback: Since each party must give something up, neither may be fully satisfied with the result.
4. Competing – “I must win”
Cooperativeness: Low | Assertiveness: High
This style is assertive and uncooperative, often used by individuals who pursue their own interests at the expense of others. It can be appropriate when:
- A quick, decisive action is needed (e.g., in emergencies)
- You’re standing up for your rights or important principles
- The issue is too important to compromise
Warning: Frequent use of this style can damage relationships and breed hostility or resistance.
5. Collaborating – “Let’s find a win-win”
Cooperativeness: High | Assertiveness: High
Collaborating seeks a solution that satisfies all parties fully. It involves active listening, open dialogue, and creative problem-solving. This is the ideal style when:
- The issue is complex and requires multiple perspectives
- The relationship is important and needs strengthening
- You’re seeking a long-term solution that benefits everyone
Limitation: It can be time-consuming and may not be practical for minor issues or urgent decisions.
The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model offers valuable insight into the different ways people navigate conflict. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” approach—each style has its place, depending on the situation, the stakes involved, and the people at the table.
Self-awareness is the first step toward improving conflict management. By recognizing your default style and learning when to shift your approach, you can handle disagreements more effectively and foster stronger relationships—whether at work, at home, or anywhere else.
